A New Outlook

Okay. So here goes round three. Really, I don't know why, but every time I attempt to blog I have no desire to write. I'm not sure if it is because I'm lazy or if it is because I realize I have nothing interesting to say. Maybe a combination of the two. :) Not that I do this for the readership, because, goodness, I'd have slit my wrists by now if I did it for that reason.

Despite all that has gone on, I still find myself strangely drawn to the world of blogging. I am fascinated by all of the types of blogs that are out there in this world. It is sort of an escapist thing for me to blog stalk people I know...not to mention people I don't know. It is fascinating to jump from the life of a SAHM to a jet-setting professional in just a couple of mouse clicks. It does beg to question, what about me? Couldn't I be having these adventures if I'd get out there and do something?

Thoughts

It always amazes me that I can "go to bed" around 10:00 pm and still be lying completely awake at 12:30. Grrrrr. I just have so many thoughts swirling around in my head and can't seem to quell them. Maybe I should try sleep therapy. Or Google sleep therapy. Wow. Now I'm not making any sense. Sometimes I just wish I could crawl into my bed and fall asleep. Be dead to the world. Not worry about anything. Silence my thoughts.
This poem has been running through my head the past few weeks and pretty much applies to what I have gone through the past few years...and also kind of applies to tonight:

Acquainted with the Night

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

Robert Frost

Life.

I really am terrible at this. I guess life just gets in the way when you are a student. So, what has been going on in my world lately? Let's see. I just found out that salacious rumors are being spread behind my back, started by people whom I thought were my friends. The thing that hurts the most is that these so called "friends" are nice to me to my face. How twisted is that? I can't even describe what I'm feeling right now. It is a mixture of sadness, anger, frustration, and hurt. I'm not really sure what to do, other than pretend that things are still normal. I can't confront the offenders because I overheard the conversation...and they'd just deny everything and claim I was being paranoid.

Wow. What has the world come to?

Insomnia

Okay, so I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning in my bed for the past two hours. I finally decided to turn on my computer and DO something because it's supposed to help, right? Why not blog? For some reason bouts of insomnia always hit on Sunday nights. Probably because I am actually rested from the weekend and don't have a desire to sleep. I also start to list all the things I have to do in the upcoming week in my head, which isn't conducive to sleep either. Why oh why must I have a brain that won't shut off?

Okay, so I'm not very good at this.

I really should make more of an effort to blog, but really. Sometimes life gets in the way. Let's see. What have I been up to. In the spirit of the New Year, I have made somewhat of an effort to begin a "healthy, new life." I am quite proud of the fact that I have exercised every day since Jan. 1. Sometimes up to two hours. My muscles are definitely feeling it, but overall I feel great both mentally and physically. I have also been fairly strict with my calorie intake, and feel like I'm doing a pretty good job with that as well. Seriously. I used to eat myself sick and now, it's everything in moderation. Hopefully, I'll be down a few sizes in no time!!

The first one

In an unprecedented attempt to be accountable for my life and as sort of an outlet for my feelings, I am starting a blog. I read this blog and was inspired. I know it is completely fake, but I have always wanted to start a blog and reading this made me feel that ANYONE can have a blog if they really want to--for any reason.

I guess I will start out telling a little bit about myself. I am a college student, past her prime..meaning I already have a bachelor's degree and am now working on a second one. Not because I am glutton for punishment, but because I really have no desire to work in the field that I got my first degree in. I am 24 years old and live in Utah. I am LDS and am single. I would describe my physical appearance as plain. I have brown hair, brown eyes, am about 5'7" and could stand to lose a few pounds.

I really am going to try to make an effort to keep up this blog. I am not the most responsible person in that way. I guess we'll see what 2009 brings.

Just FYI, I have reservations about using real names, so those will be changed to preserve anonymity.

Cheers!